English Podcasts

Break up

Peter Carter — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:08:00 -0400

This car is being broken up in a scrap yard. Photo by Olly Clark/flickr

There is an English phrasal verb “to break up”. It means to break into pieces. Here are some examples of ways in which we can use it.

Imagine a storm at sea. The wind and the waves drive a ship onto the rocks. The waves smash the ship into pieces. The ship breaks up.

Or, think about the great ice sheets in the Arctic and the Antarctic. Many scientists say that, because the world’s climate is getting warmer, the ice sheets are starting to break up.

Or, think about a really old car. You have had it for many years. You and it have had some fine adventures together. But now the engine does not start. And when, eventually, it does start, there are horrible clunking sounds and a cloud of black smoke comes out of the exhaust pipe. The car is finished. You take the car to the scrap yard where they break it up, so that the metal and some of the parts can be re-used.

And sometimes we say that a relationship breaks up. For instance, Joe and Mary have been going out together for a few months. They are boyfriend and girlfriend. But then they disagree and argue. Joe starts to think that he really doesn’t like Mary very much. Mary starts to think that Joe is selfish and boring. They break up. They decide that they are not going to be boyfriend and girlfriend any more.

You may be thinking that “break up” is a rather sad expression. We use it to talk about shipwrecks, and cars that have reached the end of their lives, and relationships which come to an end. But there is at least one really happy use of “break up”. We can say that a school breaks up. That means, simply, that it is the end of term. It is the beginning of the holidays.

There is a primary school behind my house. The school breaks up today. Today is the last day of the school term. The children are very happy. They are making even more noise in the school playground than they usually do. After today, there will be six weeks with no school. Six weeks to stay late in bed. Six weeks to play in the garden. Six weeks to watch rubbish programmes on daytime television and to play on the computer. Six weeks to visit your grandparents, or to go on holiday. Six weeks to argue with your older sister. Six weeks to drive your parents mad.

Listen to English is going on holiday too. This will be my last podcast for this term. But don’t worry – I will be back with a new podcast on 10 September. I am going to spend part of the holiday in Wales, so here is some Welsh music for you to listen to. It is played on the Welsh harp by Cheryl Ann Fulton. I will put an extra posting on the website with a flash player where you can listen to more of her music if you like it. Until September, goodbye.

File Download (6:59 min / 3 MB)

Better

Peter Carter — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 09:50:00 -0400

Better buses, better service, better catch one

I am sorry that there was no podcast last week. I was unwell. But now I am better. That means, I am not unwell any more. I have recovered. I am better.

And today’s podcast is about the word “better”. “Better” is of course the comparative form of the adjective “good”. Good – better- best. We can say: “This is a good restaurant. But the restaurant over the road is better. And the restaurant round the corner is the best restaurant in the town.”

We can use “better” in other ways, too. There is an English expression “I had better” do something. It means “I must” do something, or “it would be a good idea” to do something. Here are some examples:

Kevin and Joanne are having breakfast. Joanne looks in the fridge. There is no milk. “I had better buy some milk this morning,” she says. Kevin looks at his watch. It is nearly 7.30am. “I had better go now,” he says. “I have to go to a meeting at 8.30.” “Yes,” says Joanne. “You had better hurry, otherwise you will miss the train. And it is raining. You had better take an umbrella”.

In Birmingham, where I live, there is a bus company. Actually, there are lots of bus companies, because our government believes that competition in public transport is a good thing. Our government is wrong. Britain has some of the worst public transport in Europe. But that is different podcast. One of our competing bus companies has a slogan on the side of its buses. It says: “better buses, better service, better catch one”. This is what it means.

Better buses…

“Better buses” – the company has better buses. But better than what? Better than the buses of the other bus companies? Better than the old buses which it used to have? I suppose that “better buses” is OK as an advertising slogan, but if you want people to understand exactly what you mean, remember to use the word “than” – “better buses than our old buses”, for example.

“Better service” – This means more frequent buses, more reliable buses. Perhaps the company means that they now run buses late in the evening and on Sundays.

And “better catch one” is short for “you had better catch one”. In other words, it would be a good idea to catch one of our wonderful better buses. Remember that in English, we can take a bus or a train or a plane; or we can catch a bus or a train or a plane.

Now you know all about “I had better”. There is a quiz with the podcast today. You can find it on the website. Now it is late. I had better stop now. I had better go to the supermarket. I had better cook supper for the children. I had better say goodbye.

You had better do this quiz! ::

File Download (3:57 min / 4 MB)

Stonehenge

Peter Carter — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:56:00 -0400

A rainbow behind Stonehenge. This remarkable photo was taken by Lucille Pine/flickr

In today’s podcast, we talk about some theories. We talk about things which may be true, or may not be true. We use words like “perhaps” and “maybe” and “it could be that..”. See how many examples you can find.

We English have not lived in England for long. Our ancestors, the Saxons, came to England from northern Germany in the fifth century. They spoke a language which we call Anglo-Saxon or Old English. Over the centuries, Anglo-Saxon changed to become modern English.

Before the Saxon invasions, people called the Celts lived here. The modern Welsh language is descended from the languages of these Celtic people. But the Celts had not lived in Britain for long, either. There were people here before the Celts came. These people had no written language, so they left us no manuscripts or inscriptions to tell us about them. However, they left us plenty of archaeological evidence – burial places, pottery, tools and so on. And they left us a remarkable and mysterious monument called Stonehenge.

If you drive by car south-west out of London, along a road with the romantic name A303, you will reach Stonehenge after about an hour and a half. You will see a circle of great stones, with other stones placed carefully on top of them. There are other, smaller stones – called “bluestones”. Around Stonehenge, there are other ancient places – burial places, for instance, and ancient paths.

The archaeologists tell us that Stonehenge was not all built at one time. The oldest parts of Stonehenge are about 5,000 years old. The “bluestones” came about 1000 years later, and the great circle of stones a few hundred years after that. The great stones probably came from a place about 40km away. They each weigh about 25 tonnes. Experts say that perhaps 500 men pulled each stone, while 100 more placed logs on the ground for the stone to roll over. The “bluestones” are even more remarkable – they are much smaller, about 4 tonnes each, but they come from Preseli in south Wales, a distance of nearly 400 km. How did they get to Stonehenge? Maybe people carried them on small boats, over the sea and along rivers.

The big question is “Why?” Why did these people, four or five thousand years ago, build Stonehenge, and what did they use it for? Here are some of the theories:

- Perhaps Stonehenge was a religious temple. Perhaps priests sacrificed animals or even human beings here.

- Maybe Stonehenge was a centre of political power, a place built by a great and powerful king.

- Possibly, it was a place to celebrate the dead, a place to send them on their way to the next world.

- Or it could have been a place where sick or injured people came to be cured, like Lourdes in France is today.

- Or Stonehenge might have been a place to watch the movement of the sun, moon and stars, and to forecast important events like eclipses.

- Or, conceivably, it was all of these things, or it had different purposes at different times.

Today, Stonehenge is an important tourist site, and a place for people who like to believe in magic. At the summer solstice (that is June 21st, the longest day of the year) people go to Stonehenge to watch the sun rise. This year, about 30,000 people were there. And, because this is England, it rained.

Stonehenge website ::
Pictures of people gathering to watch the summer solstice at Stonehenge :: BBC report
Quiz - how well did you understand the podcast? ::

File Download (5:14 min / 2 MB)

How much does the Queen cost?

Peter Carter — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:53:00 -0400

Queen Elizabeth II

Thank you all for your e-mails, and for your suggestions about subjects for future podcasts.

A listener in France has asked, can I make a podcast about the Queen? And several other listeners have said that they would like some help with listening to numbers (which is always one of the most difficult things in any foreign language). I am going to kill two birds with one stone, as we say in English. This podcast is about the Queen, and also about listening to numbers. I have left gaps in the script where there are numbers,. Try to fill in the numbers as you hear them. You can check on the website whether you have heard them correctly.

Queen Elizabeth (a)..... came to the throne in (b)....., following the death of her father, King George©...... She is now (d)..... years old, and she has been Queen for (e)..... years. She is the (f)..... monarch (that is, king or queen) since the Norman Conquest of England in the year (g)...... What sort of things does she do?

The Queen has all sorts of official engagements in this country – visits to towns and cities, to schools and hospitals, to open new buildings and to attend official dinners. Last year she had (h)..... official engagements, which is (i)..... more than in (j)......

The Queen makes official visits to other countries too. Since she came to the throne, the Queen has made over (k)..... visits to about (l)..... different countries. Last year , she visited the United States, Uganda, Belgium and the Netherlands.

The Queen sends messages of congratulations to everyone in Britain who reaches their (m)..... birthday. Since (n)....., she has sent (o)..... of these messages. She has also sent more than (p)..... messages of congratulation to married couples who are celebrating their “diamond wedding”, that is the (q)..... anniversary of their wedding.

Last week, her office published the royal accounts for®...... The accounts show that the cost of the Queen’s official duties last year was £(s)...... This was £(t)....., or (u).....% more than in (v)...... However, officials at the palace want everyone to know that in real terms, that is after allowing for inflation, the cost of the Queen has fallen by (w).....% in the last (x)..... years.

How much is £(y).....? Well, there are about (z)..... people in Britain, so £(aa)..... is about (bb)..... pence for each of us. Palace officials, who try very hard to keep up with new technology and new fashions, have pointed out to the newspapers that (cc)..... pence is about the cost of a download from the iTunes music store.

An important part of the cost of the Queen’s official duties is the cost of travel. Travel, in Britain and overseas, cost £(dd)..... pounds last year. The Queen has a special royal train. Our newspapers love to tell us how much the royal train costs. Last year the royal train was used only (ee)..... times. One of these trips was a visit which Prince Charles made to a pub in the town of Penrith – the cost was £(ff)......

However, palace officials have told the press that there are serious problems because several of the royal palaces need to be repaired. Altogether an extra £(gg)..... is needed for this. The roof at Windsor Castle needs to be replaced – this will cost £(hh)...... Many parts of Buckingham Palace in London have not been redecorated for over (ii).....years, and the electrical wiring is over (jj)..... years old. It will cost £(kk)..... to rewire the palace, and replace the plumbing (that is, the water pipes and the drains), and to remove dangerous asbestos from the building.

In fact, Buckingham Palace seems to be such a mess that I am surprised that the Queen still lives there. If you know of somewhere else where she could live temporarily, until Buckingham Palace is repaired, perhaps you could telephone her office and tell them The number is (ll).....

File Download (6:02 min / 3 MB)

How much does the Queen cost? - exercise

Peter Carter — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:52:00 -0400

Here are the missing numbers from the podcast “How much does the Queen cost?” You can download a pdf version of the exercise and the answers by clicking the link at the foot of the page.

(a) the second (normally we write Queen Elizabeth II)
(b) 1952
(c) the sixth (King George VI)
(d) 82
(e) 56
(f) 40th
(g) 1066
(h) 440
(i) 60
(j) 2006
(k) 260
(l) 126
(m) 100th
(n) 1952
(o) 100,000 (note that in English we use a comma to separate thousands in big numbers)
(p) 280,000
(q) 60th
(r) 2007
(s) £40,000,000 (generally, in written English we would normally write £40 million)
(t) £2 million
(u) 6.1% (in English we use a full-stop, not a comma, when we write decimals)
(v) 2006
(w) 3.1%
(x) 7
(y) £40 million
(z) 61 million
(aa) £40 million
(bb) 66 pence
(cc) 66 pence
(dd) £6.2 million
(ee) 19
(ff) £18,916
(gg) £32 million
(hh) £16 million
(ii) 50
(jj) 60
(kk) £2.4 million
(ll) 020 7930 4832

File Download (0:00 min / 0 MB)

Alfred Brendel Calls Time

Peter Carter — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:59:00 -0400

Alfred Brendel

Last November, the Guardian newspaper contained an article. This was the headline.

“Alfred Brendel, piano maestro, calls time on concert career.”

What does it mean?

Well, you may already know about Alfred Brendel. He is a pianist, or a “piano maestro” as the Guardian headline calls him. He is famous for his playing of works by Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven and Schubert. We shall talk more about him in a minute.

But what does “call time” mean? Until about 30 years ago, there were strict laws in Britain about when pubs could open. Generally, all pubs had to close at 10.30 in the evening, and everyone had to stop drinking and leave the pub at that time. Shortly before 10.30pm, the landlord of the pub used to ring a bell, and call out “Time, gentlemen, please!” or something like that. So, “to call time” means to announce that you will soon close something, or soon finish something.

Lets go back to the newspaper headline. “Alfred Brendel, piano maestro, calls time on his concert career”. It means that Alfred Brendel has announced that his career as a concert pianist will soon come to an end. In other words, he has said that he is going to retire.

There is another idiom with a similar meaning – “to call it a day”. Imagine that you have been working all day on a project for school or college. It is now the evening and you are tired. Yes, there are some more things you could do, but you decide to stop now and go to bed. You “call it a day”. Alfred Brendel has decided, at the age of 77, to “call it a day” too.

Alfred Brendel is a remarkable man. He was born in what is now the Czech Republic in 1931. His family were not musical, and he had little formal training on the piano. Nonetheless, he made a successful career as a pianist from the 1950s. Since the 1970s, he has lived in Britain. He is not only a famous pianist, he also writes about music, and writes poetry, both in English and in German. When he retires, at the end of this year, he wants to spend more time writing and teaching.

For the last 15 years, Alfred Brendel has come regularly to Birmingham to play in Symphony Hall. Last night, I attended his last concert here. Every ticket was sold, every seat in the hall was occupied. When he played, the audience was completely silent. As we say in English, you could have heard a pin drop. Alfred Brendel’s playing is very personal and very direct. It is as if he was in your sitting room, playing specially for you. At the end of the concert, we gave him a standing ovation, and he gave us two encores. It was a memorable occasion, though also a rather sad occasion.

To end the podcast, here is Alfred Brendel playing some music by Schubert. May he have a long and happy retirement.

File Download (5:20 min / 3 MB)

Captain Calamity

Peter Carter — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 13:44:00 -0400

I could not find a picture or Forwick, but here is one of another part of the Shetlands, so that you can see what the landscape looks like. It was taken by tigernuts/flickr

In the past year, we have had two podcasts about English people who have gone to Scotland to do slightly crazy things. We had Andy Strangeway, who has spent a night on every island in Scotland. Then we had Steve Feltham, who has spent the last 17 years looking for the Loch Ness monster. Today we meet Stuart Hill. He lives on a tiny island in Shetland (a group of islands to the north of Scotland), and he has just declared his island to be an independent state.

This is not the first time that Stuart Hill has been in the news. He has a nickname, “Captain Calamity”. (A “calamity” is another word for a “disaster”). This is why. He comes from Essex in eastern England. Several years ago he bought himself a small boat. His boat became his main interest. He took a sail from a wind-surfing board and fixed it to his boat. He started to go for sailing trips. Then, in 2001, he decided to sail his boat single-handed all the way round Britain. His wife and his children thought he was mad. The distance around Britain is over 3,000 kilometers, and there are dangerous rocks and currents, and the waves and the weather are often dangerous too.

Stuart Hill set off. Within minutes, he hit another boat, and his sail collapsed into the water. He found he had forgotten some important equipment, and a friend had to swim out to his boat with it. Over the next few weeks, he had more problems with his boat, and he had to be rescued five times by lifeboats and twice by helicopter. Finally, in August 2001, his boat turned over in a storm near the Shetland islands. He was rescued again, but he had lost everything – he had no boat, and no money and nothing but the clothes he stood up in. So he stayed in Shetland, and got a job there, working in a fish-processing factory.

This week, Stuart Hill was in the news again. He now lives on a tiny Shetland island called Forewick Holm, where he is the only inhabitant (apart from lots of sheep and sea-birds). He is 65 years old, which means that he is able to get a state old-age pension. Most pensioners want a quiet life, but not Stuart. He has declared that Forwick is now an independent state, and that it is no longer part of Britain or of the European Union. There will be no taxes in Forwick, he says, and his state will soon issue its own currency.

Why is he doing this? He wants to draw attention to an argument that Shetland is legally not part of Scotland (and therefore not part of Britain). Many centuries ago, Shetland was ruled by the king of Norway. But in 1469, the king of Norway need some money in a hurry, so he gave Shetland to the king of Scotland in return for a loan. So, says Stuart Hill, Shetland is not part of Scotland. It should be an independent state, able in particular to control oil production from the oil fields around its coast and to collect revenues from the oil companies. Some Shetlanders probably agree with him, though I doubt if they want Captain Calamity as their ruler.

Stuart Hill has spent much of the week being interviewed by the newspapers. “It’s all jolly good fun,” he says. “Every pensioner should do something like this.”

File Download (4:54 min / 2 MB)

Getting married

Peter Carter — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:45:00 -0400

While I was searching Flickr, I found this wonderful picture of a wedding cake. By princess of Ilyr/flickr who likes taking photos of food!

Our podcast today is about weddings. I hope you will learn some new English words. There is a quiz attached to the podcast today so that you can test how much you know.

In England, you can get married in a church, or you can have a civil wedding (that is, a non-religious wedding) . Until about 10 years ago, civil weddings always took place at a Registry Office. Nowdays, however, you can get married in all sorts of places – in hotels, in country houses, and in many mosques and Hindu temples, for example.

A wedding can be very expensive. One website that I have seen says that the average cost of a wedding in Britain is over £11,000. Here are some of the things that many couples will want for their wedding:

a wedding-dress for the bride, and dresses for her bridesmaids;

wedding rings for the bride and the bridegroom;

flowers for the church or the place where the wedding is held;

a reception (that is, a party or a formal meal) for the wedding guests after the wedding ceremony;

a wedding cake;

a professional photographer, to take pictures or videos of the wedding;

a honeymoon (a holiday) for the newly-married couple after the wedding.

And there are lots more things to spend money on if you want to. Some couples want to hire a beautiful horse-drawn carriage, or a vintage Rolls Royce car to take them away after the wedding. Some people even fly to holiday resorts in Mexico or Thailand to get married, and their families and friends fly there too.

There is no such thing as a “typical wedding”. Every couple getting married has to decide for themselves what sort of wedding they want – a religious wedding, or a civil wedding; a big wedding with lots of guests; or a small, simple wedding.

I went to a wedding last weekend. It was definitely not a typical wedding, but you might be interested in it. It was a Quaker wedding. There was no priest or minister to conduct the wedding, and no music or singing. The bride and groom and the wedding guests all sat silently together. After about 10 minutes, the bride and groom stood up and said that they took each other as man and wife and made their promises to each other. After that, some of their friends and relatives spoke about love and marriage, or read a poem or a passage from the Bible, or simply wished the couple every happiness together. The wedding lasted for about an hour. At the end, everyone who was there – about 80 of us – signed the wedding certificate as witnesses to the marriage.

And then – because we are British – we all drank cups of tea and chatted to friends and family members whom we had not seen for a long time. We went out into the garden of the Quaker Meeting House to take photos of the bride and groom. In the evening, we were all invited to a ceilidh. “Ceilidh” is a Scottish Gaelic word, which has become part of the English language in recent years. It means an evening of dancing, singing, story telling and poetry. The bride and groom cut their wedding cake, and we danced traditional English and Scottish dances until late in the evening. And then all the wedding guests, and the bride and groom too, did the washing up and helped to put the chairs and tables back in their proper places.

We had a wonderful time. Is this the sort of wedding you would like?

Quiz - how much do you know about weddings? ::

File Download (5:06 min / 2 MB)

Kevin gets cold feet

Peter Carter — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 07:50:00 -0400

Parachute. Photo by John Shappell/flickr

Today, we meet the expression “to have cold feet” about something. It means …well, I will tell you a story, and you will see what it means.

About 3 months ago, Kevin went to the pub with his friend George. At the pub they met some friends who were talking about parachute jumping (or “skydiving”). They were planning to go on a course to learn how to jump out of an aeroplane with a parachute. They thought it would be a really interesting thing to do. Maybe people would agree to sponsor their first jump so that they could raise money for a charity. By the end of the evening, Kevin and George had agreed they they too would go on the parachute jumping course. It sounded good fun. And Kevin would be able to tell everyone at work about his parachute jump, and they would be impressed.

Today is the last day of the parachute jumping course. For the first few days, Kevin, George and the other course participants learned how parachutes work, and how to open the parachute in the air, and how to land on the ground safely. But today, the instructors will take them up in a small aeroplane, and they will make their first real parachute jump.

Kevin feels ill. Three months ago, in the pub, jumping out of an aeroplane with a parachute was a great idea. Now Kevin thinks, “Why did I say that I would do this?” Jumping out of an aeroplane is a crazy thing to do. Suppose he cannot make the parachute work. He would fall hundreds of meters and be killed. Or maybe his parachute will work, but he will land in a river, or in a tree, or on the roof of a house, or in a field with a mad bull. He imagines himself, lying on the ground with a broken ankle, with the mad bull snorting angrily at him.

In other words, Kevin has cold feet. Three months ago, he was enthusiastic about the parachute jump. Now he thinks it is a stupid idea. Perhaps he could pretend to be ill, or that his aunt has just died and he needs to go to her funeral. Yes – Kevin has cold feet.

Kevin arrives at the little airfield where the course is taking place The other course participants all seem a little quiet this morning. Perhaps they have cold feet too.

Then the instructor comes out of his office. “Bad news, I am afraid,” he says. “There is a mechanical problem with the aircraft, and it will take two or three days to fix it. So – I’m sorry – but we won’t be able to do the parachute jump today.” And everyone on the course says how disappointed they are, and how they had really been looking forward to the parachute jump, and what bad luck it is that the aeroplane cannot fly. And Kevin says all these things too. But secretly, inside, he is relieved. And he thinks that some of the other people on the course look relieved too.

File Download (4:05 min / 2 MB)

Godiva and Peeping Tom

Peter Carter — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 10:01:00 -0400

Maureen O Hara starred as Godiva in a 1955 Holywood film.

Do you know the English word “to peep”? If I “peep” at something, it means that I look at it quickly and secretly, and I hope that no-one notices. For example, I buy a birthday present for my daughter. She wants to know what the present is. But it is not her birthday yet, so I do not tell her. Quietly she goes upstairs and peeps into the bag, to see what the present is.

Or, I hear someone walking up the path to my house. Is it the postman? I peep out of the window to see who it is.

However, peeping can be bad for you, as we hear in today’s podcast.

Not far from Birmingham, where I live, is a town called Coventry. My grandmother was born in Coventry, and she lived there until she was married. Coventry is an industrial town, but it is also an old town, much older than Birmingham. In the 11th century, the powerful Earl Leofric imposed taxes on the people of Coventry and on the market which took place there. The people complained that the taxes were too high. The wife of Leofric, whose name was Godiva, agreed with the people. She went to her husband and begged him to reduce the taxes. Leofric refused. Godiva continued to plead with him. Eventually, Leofric said that he would reduce the taxes if Godiva would ride naked on a horse through the town and market place of Coventry. Godiva was astonished. But she was a woman of strong character, and she agreed.

So Godiva called for her servants to bring her horse, and she rode naked through Coventry. The people of Coventry all went into their houses and closed the doors and the shutters on their windows so that they should not see her. All the people? Well, no, there was a man called Tom, who peeped through a hole in the window-shutters when he heard Godiva’s horse coming. And because he peeped, he was struck blind – that means, he became blind immediately.

According to the story, Leofric did indeed reduce the taxes. To this day, the people of Coventry celebrate Godiva’s ride through the town. And, in English, we have a special name for someone who spies secretly on other people. We call him a “Peeping Tom”.

So if you think that taxes are too high in your country, you know what to do. Find a horse, and take your clothes off. But don’t peep!

File Download (3:43 min / 2 MB)

I could do with a haircut

Peter Carter — Fri, 23 May 2008 11:39:00 -0400

I could do with a haircut. Artwork by Lorrie McClanahan/flickr

In today’s podcast we meet the English expression “I could do with…”

“I could do with…” is an indirect way of saying “I need…” If I say “I could do with” something, it means “I need” something.

So, if I say to my teenage son, “You could do with a haircut“, I mean “Your hair is too long and you need to get it cut”.

One more thing before we start. The expression always uses the conditional “could” form of the verb. We always say “I could do with..”, and never “I can do with..” OK?

It is the weekend. Kevin’s plans include an afternoon in front of the television watching football.

Joanne however has other ideas. “The house could do with cleaning“, she says. “I will start on the kitchen now, but this afternoon I could do with some help.”

Kevin protests that he wants to watch the football. “United could do with a win today,” he adds. Joanne says that United will win even if he does not watch them play. “We could do with some more floor cleaner,” she says. “Please could you go to the shops and buy some.”

So Kevin walks to the shops while Joanne sets to work, cleaning the kitchen. Kevin returns about twenty minutes later, a little out of breath. “I could do with a rest,” he says. And he sits down on a chair and watches Joanne cleaning the floor.

“Kevin, you are out of breath because you are too fat,” says Joanne. “You could do with losing some weight.”

“What?” says Kevin, horrified.

“Yes. You could do with going swimming twice a week, or going to the gym.”

An idea comes into Kevin’s mind. At the gym, they have a cafe with a TV set. He could go to the gym, and watch the football on television instead of exercising.

“You’re right,” says Kevin, “I could do with some exercise. I’ll go to the gym this afternoon.”

“Nice try, Kevin,” says Joanne. “You can stay here and do some exercise at home. The carpet could do with vacuuming, and the lawn could do with being mowed.”

Three hours later, Kevin and Joanne are sitting on the sofa. They are exhausted, but the house is clean and tidy for the first time in weeks. “I could do with a drink,” says Joanne, “and I could do with something to eat.”

“I’m tired,” says Kevin. “I could do with a shower and an early night.”

And as for me, I could do with a holiday. So I am going to Germany next week, but I will be back with a new Listen to English podcast on about 5 June.

File Download (3:42 min / 2 MB)

The Worst Poet

Peter Carter — Tue, 20 May 2008 16:19:00 -0400

William McGonagall

We stay in Scotland for today’s podcast. We are going to meet a man called William Topaz McGonagall. Most people agree that he was the worst poet ever in the English language.

He was born in 1825. His father was a cotton weaver, who had to move from town to town in Scotland to find work. Young William spent only 18 months at school before he too had to go and work in the mills and factories. He became a jute weaver in Dundee, a town on the east coast of Scotland. (Jute is a fibre which is used to make sacks. In the 19th century, Dundee was the centre of the jute industry in Britain). It was in 1877, when William was 52 years old, that he suddenly discovered that he was a poet. Not just a poet – a great poet – possibly the finest poet since Shakespeare.

Over the next 25 years, Willam McGonagall wrote a large number of poems. He wrote about the great public events of the day, like the attempt to assassinate Queen Victoria, and the funeral of the Emperor of Germany. He was particularly fond of disasters, like shipwrecks and railway accidents. He wrote about famous battles, and about people and places that he knew.

And his poetry was bad. It was so bad that it almost became good, if you see what I mean. It was like someone playing a musical instrument, loudly and confidently, but completely out of tune and without any sense of rhythm. It was like a newspaper report turned into poetry. Here are some examples.

In 1878, a railway bridge was built over the river Tay near Dundee. At the time, it was the longest bridge in the world. It was a triumph of British engineering, and the nation felt proud. Naturally, William McGonagall wrote a poem about it. It began:

Beautiful railway bridge over the silvery Tay!
With your numerous arches and pillars in so grand array,
And your central girders, which seem to the eye
To be almost towering to the sky.

Less than two years later, the Tay bridge collapsed in a storm while a train was passing over it. Many people were killed. McGonagall wrote:

Beautiful railway bridge over the silvery Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879
Which will be remembered for a very long time.

A new Tay Bridge was completed in 1887, and of course William wrote a poem for the occasion. I think you can guess how it began.

Beautiful new railway bridge over the silvery Tay!
With your strong brick piers and buttresses in so grand array,
And your thirteen central girders, which seem to my eye,
Strong enough all windy storms to defy.

Portrait of William McGonagall by W B Lamond

William McGonagall organised public events where he would read his poetry. They were very popular. People came to laugh at his poems, and throw rotten fruit and vegetables at him. (Obviously, in those days, there was not much to do in Dundee in the evenings). But McGonagall continued to believe that he had a special gift as a poet. His fame as a bad poet spread throughout Scotland, and then in the rest of Britain and in the British empire. But his poetry did not make him rich, and he died penniless in Edinburgh in 1902. He has never been forgotten however. His books of poetry have been reprinted regularly. Last week, a manuscript of some of his poems was sold at auction for thousands of pounds. People still read his poems today and smile.

The Official William McGonagall website ::

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The Loch Ness Monster - Part 2

Peter Carter — Tue, 13 May 2008 07:57:00 -0400

In the last podcast, we talked about the Loch Ness monster, and we met Steve Feltham, who has spent the last 17 years living beside Loch Ness, looking for the monster.

On the website today, you will find a YouTube video. In the video, Steve Feltham tells us about what he does. I will not give you a transcript of what he says, but here are some of the main things, to help you understand.

He introduces himself and tells us where he lives, how long he has lived there and what he does. He mentions a place called Dores where he now lives permanently.

He tells us about “the best thing he has seen” (ie the best sighting of something that might be the Loch Ness monster). It was near Fort Augustus, is at the southern end of Loch Ness.

He has also been out on Loch Ness in boats with sonar equipment. The sonar shows “little blobs”(ie little shapes) and sometimes some “big blobs”. Steve tells us what these “blobs” might be.

He tells us about the different theories that people have about the monster.

He tells us what he does when the water is flat and calm;and what he does when it is choppy.

He gets to hear about sightings which other people have made, and people often show him their photos and videos.

There are fewer good sightings of the monster today than there used to be. Steve puts forward a theory on why this might be.

There is a quiz on the website, so you can test how well you understood Steve’s video.

Quiz - how well did you understand the podcast? ::

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The Loch Ness Monster

Peter Carter — Tue, 13 May 2008 07:03:00 -0400

Loch Ness at sunrise. Photo by geordiemac/flickr

Loch Ness is in Scotland, and it is long and narrow and very deep. Loch Ness is special. What is it?

Well, “loch” is a Scottish Gaellic word that means a lake or an inlet of the sea. There are thousands of place names in Scotland containing the word “loch”. So Loch Ness is a lake. It is in fact the largest freshwater lake in Britain. But that is not the reason why Loch Ness is special.

No, Loch Ness is special because it has its very own monster. People say that deep in the lake there lives a large creature. Occasionally – very occasionally – you can see the creature swimming on the surface of Loch Ness, or even moving on the land close to the shores of the lake. No-one is certain what sort of creature it is, so it has no proper scientific name. But everyone calls the Loch Ness monster “Nessie”.

The oldest stories about the monster date from the 6th century. St Columba, who first brought Christianity to Scotland, is said to have saved the life of a man who had been attacked by a huge creature near Loch Ness. The modern stories about the monster started in 1933, when there were three sightings of a large, strange creature, about 1 metre high and 8 metres long, with a long neck. There have been similar reports in most years since then, sometimes of a creature on land, though more normally of a creature in the water. There have been some photographs of Nessie as well, but most of them are of poor quality, and some may be fakes. Several studies of Loch Ness using sonar equipment have found traces of a large object or objects deep in the water.

So what is Nessie? Some people think that she (or he?) may be a type of dinosaur, which had managed to survive when all the other dinosaurs on earth died out. But most scientists think that this is extremely implausible. So is Nessie some other sort of animal, such as an eel or a seal? Or perhaps Nessie does not exist at all. Perhaps the people who say that they have seen a creature in Loch Ness actually saw other things – a small boat, perhaps, or a group of birds, or a pattern of waves and shadows on the water.

Steve Feltham is one of the people who believes that Nessie exists. In 1991, he gave up his home, his job and his girlfriend to become a full-time Nessie hunter. For the last seventeen years, he has lived beside Loch Ness looking for the monster. His home is an old van that used to be a mobile library. It is parked in the car park of a pub, close to the shore of the Loch. Steve makes little clay models of Nessie to sell to tourists. He has only once, in 17 years, seen something which might have been Nessie, but that is not important for him. He loves his life as a Nessie hunter. We shall have more about him in the next podcast.

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The Loch Ness Monster - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Peter Carter — Tue, 13 May 2008 06:59:00 -0400

Let’s revise some adjectives which tell us how big things are.

Loch Ness is long, narrow and deep. If it was not long, it would be short. If it was not narrow, it would be wide. If it was not deep, it would be shallow.

Loch Ness is big. If it was not big, it would be small.

The mountains in Scotland are high. If they were not high, they would be low.

The man in the film is tall and fat. If he was not fat, he would be thin. If he was not tall, he would be short.

Some other words which mean “big” – large, huge, massive, vast, enormous.

Some other words which mean “small” – little, tiny, miniscule, minute.

Other words which mean “thin” (generally in relation to people) – slim, slender.

Other words which mean “fat” (again, generally in relation to people) – portly, tubby

“...is said to…” means “people say that…”. For example:

Bill Gates is said to be the richest man in the world. (People say that he is the richest ma in the world).

I have not read any of John’s books, but it is said that he writes very well. (People say that he writes very well).

It is said that, when she was young, she was a famous ballet dancer.(People say that when she was young she was a famous ballet dancer).

I have turned the first part of this note into a short exercise. It is in a PDF file which you can download from the link below.

Podcast ::

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